Something to Avoid, Part 1

This is a very important subject for those of you who are dumb enough to become hulking thugs (not that all thugs are dumb, of course - just most). If you aren't incredibly dumb, you probably don't need to read this, but I suggest you do anyway.

Don't fall in love with your boss. He is evil.

I mean, please. 

How often has it happened? The minion falls in love with the Overlord, and serves him all the more willingly for it.

Let's face facts, people. If you think the Overlord is falling in love with you, you are being manipulated. Anyone ever watched, for example Harry Potter?

Or perhaps Doctor Who?

What do Chip and Bellatrix have in common?

They fell in love with their master/mistress. And what happened? Why, they died. They were merely pawns. Valuable pawns, perhaps, but pawns nonetheless.

It's happened countless times, people. And when has it actually ended well?

Given a choice on this blog, I will always give advice for the minion's benefit, not the Overlord's (unless they are the same at the time). So believe me when I tell you that this is a stupid idea.

Please excuse the little rant.

Homework: Give me more examples of stupid minions falling for their Overlords/masters/mistresses.

~Headmistress Darke

For those suffering from stress...

You should try this. 

Evil Link Here

I actually preferred it when it was shaped like a giant, red, explosion-causing button - but it still performs the same function. It's for those select few Overlords who cannot laugh evilly without assistance. It also is a very good stress reliever for minions.

Just press it a few dozen times and wait for the cares of the day to melt away!

~Headmistress Darke

Weaponry

I apologize, my loyal minions (or I would, if I really cared) about my silence these past few weeks. I'd give an excuse, but I was just too busy to think of one.

Today we're going to talk about what kind of weaponry you should - as a minion - have access to.

Tip for all you Overlords out there: Yes, your minions need to have weapons. Only an idiot has guards that aren't armed. You might be surprised how often this mistake is made.

A conversation held with my Overlord a few months ago held quite a few promising hints at the future. For example, if I am completely loyal and all that, once I retire he claims he will give me rule over northern Japan. He also promised me all the weapons I can carry.

Again, tip for you Overlords reading this: Don't lie to the minions, okay? It never works out. Go watch... heck, any movie with a villain. It happens.

As a minion, you should always be armed. Never - EVER - let your guard down. If you really want to go all-out, do the old "Wild, Wild West" TV show thing and carry a gun up your sleeve, explosives in your detachable heel, and knives in your hidden pockets. It pays off, trust me.

But the most valuable tool you can have, as a red-shirt (homework for today: Give me the definition of a red-shirt) is the ability to scare. Never shoot if you can merely threaten. Oft times it's enough to be holding a really big gun. It doesn't have to be loaded.

Well yes, it does. Because sometimes scaring isn't enough. You get my point, yes?


Glad to hear it.


Also, in other news: Moira Darke's School for Minions is getting an official-ish logo! It should be displayed as the masthead relatively soon.

~Headmistress Darke