The Art of Trudgery

I'm sure all low-ranking minions can remember fondly the feeling of trudging in the ranks of an army of terror, while your Overlord rode in style on the popular vehicle of his choice and time. While he simply lounges in his vehicle, possibly watching videos of the most amusing times his minions have died, you are ankle deep in sludge, carrying weapons on your back, and trying to think happy thoughts (although I would not recommend mentioning this to your Overlord. Happy thoughts are neither encouraged nor acceptable for a minion. Try thinking about kicking puppies and stealing candy from small children instead).

This, however, needn't be as uncomfortable as it sounds.

For example, it is unlikely that you are under much supervision at this time. The highest ranking minions will also not be trudging, though they won't be in the limo with the overlord (personally, I hear unicycles are a trendy option, although most end up in vehicles that are not powered by themselves).

Since you aren't going to be watched by your superiors at all times, there are definitely things you can get away with. I recommend coughing up some of your pathetic salary for an iPod or Mp3 player. If you think you're going to get caught, hide it under your uniform. It's easier if you have long hair or a hood to hide the earbuds with. Be sure to keep the volume low enough that you can hear in case anyone screams at you.

Thermal underwear is another good idea when you're trudging in cold weather. It's thin enough that it can hide under your uniform relatively simply, provided you aren't the sort of minion wearing skintight leather - which really is highly impractical.

Good boots are also a necessity. Even when trudging a short distance, hiking boots will significantly decrease blisters and sores.

Drink plenty of water. If your Overlord is particularly theatrical, then he will undoubtedly want evil cheers/jeers when you encounter the opposing forces.

Sing-alongs while on the road are not recommended. Overlords are tetchy, and you don't want to be known as someone spreading cheer among the ranks.

Stay comfortable, my loyal students, and remember that going to war is a serious business. I cannot urge you strongly enough to keep your head down (but not too far down or you'll end up with a neck-ache) and do not make trouble while on the road, because while normally this would earn you a mere flogging, on the move things are much more serious. So trudge, don't prance, and above all, maintain a shielding level of cynicism.

Homework assignment: What is the fashion in which to carry one's self while trudging?

~Headmistress Darke