Something to Avoid, Part 1

This is a very important subject for those of you who are dumb enough to become hulking thugs (not that all thugs are dumb, of course - just most). If you aren't incredibly dumb, you probably don't need to read this, but I suggest you do anyway.

Don't fall in love with your boss. He is evil.

I mean, please. 

How often has it happened? The minion falls in love with the Overlord, and serves him all the more willingly for it.

Let's face facts, people. If you think the Overlord is falling in love with you, you are being manipulated. Anyone ever watched, for example Harry Potter?

Or perhaps Doctor Who?

What do Chip and Bellatrix have in common?

They fell in love with their master/mistress. And what happened? Why, they died. They were merely pawns. Valuable pawns, perhaps, but pawns nonetheless.

It's happened countless times, people. And when has it actually ended well?

Given a choice on this blog, I will always give advice for the minion's benefit, not the Overlord's (unless they are the same at the time). So believe me when I tell you that this is a stupid idea.

Please excuse the little rant.

Homework: Give me more examples of stupid minions falling for their Overlords/masters/mistresses.

~Headmistress Darke

How To Respond to Humiliation, Or, My Overlord Has No Ego

Oh, there are all sorts of terrible things that could happen to you if you try to protest against stupid requests or humiliating rebukes. For example, you might find yourself several feet from your head.

At times when he is stressed, your Overlord may tell you to do something you'd rather not; kneel, perhaps, or bring him coffee. He might even throw wine/coffee/drink of his choice in your face or spill something purposefully and  order you to clean it up. How do you respond in situations like these? Where do you draw your line?

As a minion, there should be no line to draw. Your job is to do whatever he wants, whether it be fight off a hero's sidekick or stand there like a pillar while he laughs at you. But in reality, there are indeed things that you should draw the line at.

For example, you should never - and I repeat, NEVER, sweep the castle floor. That may sound obvious, especially if you are a hulking thug. But washing windows or beating carpets - well, that is the ultimate sign that you are not appreciated. When you are told to do the laundry, you aren't a minion; you are a servant, and that is Not a Good Thing.

But what to do in order to gain more respect?

Well, there are obvious things. For example, you could simply flee. If you are not respected enough, then the Overlord will not attempt to track you down. He'll hate you, maybe. But not bother with you any more. You might even try joining the hero, or finding a new Overlord.

What about being told to call your Overlord Master, Mistress, Supreme Excellency, etc.?

Well, do it. Same with kneeling. This shows that your Overlord is experiencing insecurities. That is a dangerous thing. It means he will try to prove something. So cower in fear if you need to; keep him feeling good about himself.

The normal way to show your submission is to avert your eyes and look scared. If you're really worried about the instability of your Overlord's ego, then try kneeling when you see him. Call him master if you need to.

I think the point I'm trying to make here is that minions do not have pride. So just give it up. The Overlord's ego should flourish; yours should shrivel up.