What We Do

Ethical Evil is an oxymoron, of course, and the purpose of this academy is not to teach you how to become a hero (although I'm sure you'll find some sort of instruction on that. It's a more more socially acceptable subject).

Nonetheless, every person has boundaries, whether we realize them or not. There's always a line that we will not cross, and this line is individual for each person.

I am speaking of the fabled Code.

A personal code is a man's (man here referring not to a human of the male gender but the race of man. Go read LOTR) greatest strength.

The purpose of this lesson is not to teach you how to become a hero; and nor is it how to develop your personal values.

This lesson is on how to exploit other people's.

This does not necessarily involve sacrificing your own personal ethical beliefs (if it does, you're in the wrong line of work), and it is a necessary part of staying alive and best serving your Overlord. The ability to manipulate other people's feelings and emotions is best suited to those of you not following, say, the hulking thug line of work, but even then, it is a good thing to be capable of.

For example, dealing with the hero is much easier if you have captured, say, an innocent child from the neighboring village.

Headmistress note: In case you're worried about violating your own personal code and dislike kidnapping small children, giving them five dollars and a handful of candy in exchange for sitting at the Overlord's feet looking scared is always an acceptable option. With a large enough budget, bribing the parents to scream "Not my baby!" or something similar at the hero while chained to the wall is also worthwhile.

Because the hero will probably not be able to rationalize the logical thought process that saving the entire human race is worth more than one family, he will usually accept the fact that there is nothing he can do and either flee or allow himself to be captured (or possibly try to rescue the family. This is an excellent time to let the troops practice their marksmanship).

And on that rather short lesson, I bid you adieu for the time. Please bear in mind that, with some luck, lessons should increase sometime in October. As I've said before, I would apologize for my lateness, but I really don't care.

The Rally

Some weeks ago, I was approached by Megan S, of Stellar Four, and asked whether I would like to do guest blog post on the topic of evil.

Additional note: There are some rumors about the fact that I was asked to do this despite my blog's lack of attention, and that strangely her offer coincided with the development of my new hypnosis-ray. I can now confirm that these rumors are complete coincidence. You will not remember this note. Your eyes are getting heavy.

If you would like to read this guest post in question, the link may be found here: I want you for evil army.

A Thing to Consider, Part 2

The finish-up lesson from my previous post.

We've already covered some ways to tell your Overlord that you can no longer serve him. So we're moving on to the more important subject - how to not to tell your Overlord that you can no longer serve him.

More specifically, we will be discussing necessary precautions to keep the Overlord from tracking you down and making you very, very uncomfortable.

First of all, there's the issue of names and identities.

When choosing a false name, please have some common sense. Choosing a name that is based off of your previous name, occupation, family or Overlord, is, without a doubt, completely idiotic. Please, be creative.

Also, you'll need an occupation. Nothing too obvious, but then again - if you seem like someone with no ambition, that also might be a little too obvious. Try, for example, to rise up to a decent level in the career ladder of say, an office supply store. That said, managing billion dollar corporations is a bad idea that attracts too much attention.

Also, there's the matter of family and friends. If you have a suspicion that your Overlord will take time out of his busy schedule to make you suffer, don't get married (if you already are, take care to have your spouse keep the same discreet lifestyle), don't have children, and don't, above all, contact relatives.

Do, however, keep up an active social life, because nothing says suspicious like the crazy person living next door who refuses to talk to anyone not delivering pizza.

What to do if the Overlord actively pursues you?

First of all, if he's definitely after you, it's because you inconvenienced him by leaving. Unless he's a true nutcase (always a possibility) he's probably not going to go after you for no reason. Do you know critical information? Have you had contact with the hero?

Well, in circumstances like that, your best bet is to join up with the hero. If he's after you, laying low won't work so well. Heroism is unpleasant, to be sure, but the hero is more likely to forgive you than the villain is.

For starters, if the hero wants to punish you, he throws you in jail. If the villain wants to punish you, some day people might find the pieces.

Plus, there are advantages to working for heroes. For example, if they take over the world, they're less likely to scream at you all the time and have you kneel when he/she is in a bad mood.

But, after all this I must tell you that the only sure way not to get tracked down and killed is to not leave at all, or, if you really aren't cut out for this line of work, just don't start in the first place.

And now, go out and be terrible little minions.

~Headmistress Darke

A Thing to Consider, Part 1

Hello, my students.

You may have noticed my silence over these past few months. I will attempt to remedy this, not the least because someone actually left a comment, proving that, on occasion, people may actually read this. It may be because they heard about it from me, or decided for whatever reason to Google a cheap source of slave labor to build their death ray, or it may be because they just happened to click on the wrong link.

I don't care. Views are views.

Apologies over. Moving on...

The topic I've chosen to address in today's lesson is one that I may or may not have briefly addressed before, and that is this:

What is the proper etiquette for telling your Overlord that you wish to leave?

Of course, the easiest, and often safest way, is not to tell him at all. We will discuss this more in the second part of this class.

First of all, there are things to consider. Namely, why are you leaving in the first place?

Often the Overlord is simply insane. This is not necessarily a bad thing; most of the best villains are. However, if you begin to fear for your sanity - you are, simply put, in the wrong line of work.

Telling your Overlord this, though, if he is likely to go into a psychotic rage, can be an intimidating prospect. There are several ideal situations. For example, if I were faced with such a situation, my dialogue would probably go something like this, to borrow from Sir Terry Pratchett:

Hypothetical Me: "Permission to leave for grandmother's funeral?"

Hypothetical Overlord: "Why?"

Hypothetical Me: "It's her or me."

Or, if that sounds like the perfect way to get yourself smote, try simply lying and telling him you're going somewhere else.

You can also tell your Overlord exactly why you want to leave. Perhaps you'll catch him in a good mood, and he'll let you go with nothing but a generous severance package. Unfortunately, sometimes you'll catch him in a less good mood, and he'll let you go with a less-than-generous severance package (sometimes it's best not to imagine what precisely is being severed).

So honestly is not always the best policy.


Which brings us to another possible reason for your desire to leave evil service: Morals. Perhaps you have decided to leave because you don't feel comfortable serving evil any longer.

Leave immediately, and without any attempts to persuade your former Overlord from his wicked ways. There's plenty of time for that via email or long-distance phone calls. I will not address this very much, for the simple reason that chances of survival for you aren't so great.


Good luck, and this topic should return with the next lesson.

As always, go darken the world like a little shadow of evil.

~Headmistress Darke