A Thing to Consider, Part 2

The finish-up lesson from my previous post.

We've already covered some ways to tell your Overlord that you can no longer serve him. So we're moving on to the more important subject - how to not to tell your Overlord that you can no longer serve him.

More specifically, we will be discussing necessary precautions to keep the Overlord from tracking you down and making you very, very uncomfortable.

First of all, there's the issue of names and identities.

When choosing a false name, please have some common sense. Choosing a name that is based off of your previous name, occupation, family or Overlord, is, without a doubt, completely idiotic. Please, be creative.

Also, you'll need an occupation. Nothing too obvious, but then again - if you seem like someone with no ambition, that also might be a little too obvious. Try, for example, to rise up to a decent level in the career ladder of say, an office supply store. That said, managing billion dollar corporations is a bad idea that attracts too much attention.

Also, there's the matter of family and friends. If you have a suspicion that your Overlord will take time out of his busy schedule to make you suffer, don't get married (if you already are, take care to have your spouse keep the same discreet lifestyle), don't have children, and don't, above all, contact relatives.

Do, however, keep up an active social life, because nothing says suspicious like the crazy person living next door who refuses to talk to anyone not delivering pizza.

What to do if the Overlord actively pursues you?

First of all, if he's definitely after you, it's because you inconvenienced him by leaving. Unless he's a true nutcase (always a possibility) he's probably not going to go after you for no reason. Do you know critical information? Have you had contact with the hero?

Well, in circumstances like that, your best bet is to join up with the hero. If he's after you, laying low won't work so well. Heroism is unpleasant, to be sure, but the hero is more likely to forgive you than the villain is.

For starters, if the hero wants to punish you, he throws you in jail. If the villain wants to punish you, some day people might find the pieces.

Plus, there are advantages to working for heroes. For example, if they take over the world, they're less likely to scream at you all the time and have you kneel when he/she is in a bad mood.

But, after all this I must tell you that the only sure way not to get tracked down and killed is to not leave at all, or, if you really aren't cut out for this line of work, just don't start in the first place.

And now, go out and be terrible little minions.

~Headmistress Darke

When to Run Away

This post is interesting, since I don't have too much experience with running away. I don't mean to say that as a boast; in fact, cowardice is almost expected from minions. No, running away can often be the best solution to a bad situation.

That's why you need to make sure your minion shoes - whether they be part of your uniform, or of your own choosing - have very good grip, are not to burdensome, and will not sound too loud if you are fleeing into a forest.

One of the things I suggest is to never look back over your shoulder. This will slow you down. However, you think you are right about to be overtaken, a quick glance could give you that extra jolt of adrenaline you need to survive.



There are many reasons you may need to run. The classic is this:

Your Overlord has sent you to collect something or assassinate someone. You and your party have just settled down for the night. You've generously volunteered (ie, been forced) to take first watch.

Something rustles in the bushes.

Now, not being a complete idiot, you decide not to go and investigate. But what do you do? Waking your party up for a rabbit seems a bit daft. And there's no surer way to get killed than to show weakness or bad judgement.

That's when the ambush springs.

If your troops appear to be winning, it's important to be in the middle of the fight. You might even want to allow yourself to sustain a few light injuries - nothing movement-impairing - and pant a lot. But if, more likely, the ambush is successful and most of your men are killed in their sleep-befuddled state (NEVER allow them to become befuddled by other things. Drinking on duty is a terrible thing) then you'll want to flee into the darkness. You can return later to see what the damage was.

Now some of you may be asking, "Isn't this a bad idea? Running into the woods at night with no clue where you are?" Others, still, might want to know, "Isn't this a little too spineless? Shouldn't I rely more on my men?"

Excuse me while I hide a small and polite laugh behind my black-lace handkerchief and mark you on my "execute promptly" list. This is the kind of thinking that will get you killed.

Another situation you might find yourself in: What if the Overlord is right there in front of you? Perhaps in a face-off with the hero? The odds are in the hero's favor, and your survival isn't looking good. Worst of all, the comic relief or heroic sidekick is sizing you up (and vice versa).

Run.

Don't expect the villain to forget you running, but trust me, it's not worth sticking around. You can find an new Overlord, or become a shoemaker or a postman. It's better than getting killed and watching the Overlord step over your body as he incinerates the hero.

Another thing to consider is returning later on. The Overlord often will accept you back (with considerably less trust, of course) and life will continue on as normal in the black fortress of doom.

Or you'll die. That happens sometimes too.

If you need to, get out of the country. Cross an ocean, do whatever you need to in order to get out of there. Because sometimes groveling just doesn't work, and you're going to need all the time you can get in order to flee the Overlord's wrath.

~Headmistress Darke