When Captive

There are many times in the life of a head minion that one finds one's self in a situation less than pleasing. Occasionally it's something like the dishwasher breaking down or accidentally causing the end of civilization as we know it or the Overlord beating you over the head with his Scepter of Evil Destiny.

But occasionally it's something really bad. And one of those circumstances is being captured by the hero, or the hero's organization.

This is somewhat the reversal of my last two lessons; this isn't about how to handle yourself when attempting an interrogation. This is about how to handle your captors when they are performing an interrogation.

When given a choice, it is always better to be captured by the hero, as opposed to the hero's organization or the resistance. Usually the hero has a more defined sense of morality, and that is something you can use to your advantage, whereas the organization he works for tends to be more militarized, which is always unpleasant.

The first thing you've got to decide on is whether or not you want to spill your Overlord's secrets or not. It's doubtful that the hero will torture you, but his organization will probably not have a problem with a few red-hot pokers and that sort of thing. Let's examine the pros and cons of giving in.

Pros: Well, for an obvious start, you don't get tortured. Remember, these are "good guys" and consequently, they will behave that way. This means that if you don't withhold information from them, they won't cause you a great deal of unnecessary pain.

Also, they may end up giving you a job. Since (I am assuming) your Overlord probably doesn't want you back after, y'know, betraying him and suchlike, you should probably consider this option or else go into dentistry or fastfood working.

Also, number three, you may simply want to do the right thing. That's always a possibility, if not a probability. Think about it.

Cons: The most obvious and pressing one is that you face a very unpleasant time. Even if they don't kill you and the like, they will almost certainly not take your rebellion lightly.

Then there comes the fact that your Overlord will want to murder you, and that is not a happy condition. If you're too minor to reveal all his deepest secrets, then it probably doesn't matter very much, but if you are high ranking on the henchman chain, then you'll want to consider this carefully.

The pros and cons are pretty even, really. Take your decision carefully.

If the hero doesn't want information, and instead just wants another pawn out of the game, keep your head down. Don't offend him, or his sidekick, or anyone else for that matter. Just be quiet and meek. If you find an opportunity to escape, examine it carefully. What may seem like an opportunity to escape may, in fact, be an opportunity for the cooks to make food for one less prisoner. Watch your step.

While in the prison complex (or possibly tied to a tree in the hero's camp, if he's a lone-wolf sort of fellow and doesn't have a proper jail cell) make sure to do everything possible to avoid your fellow prisoners. Chances are, the inmates will not be your friends.

Think about it. If you've sold out and they haven't, you will be a traitor to them. If you haven't sold out and they have, you'll want to report them to the Overlord upon your escape and thus get a possible promotion. Either way, you are now enemies.

The natural conclusion here is that if you cannot avoid other inmates, then at the very least, don't talk about anything except the weather or your favorite type of death ray with them. It isn't worth the tension.

And finally, I advise you to befriend the guards. Even if he doesn't trust you (and any guard worth his keyring and sleeping drugs won't trust you) it never hurts to have him on your side.

Good luck, minions, and try to keep from being a captive.

~Headmistress Darke