Weaponry

I apologize, my loyal minions (or I would, if I really cared) about my silence these past few weeks. I'd give an excuse, but I was just too busy to think of one.

Today we're going to talk about what kind of weaponry you should - as a minion - have access to.

Tip for all you Overlords out there: Yes, your minions need to have weapons. Only an idiot has guards that aren't armed. You might be surprised how often this mistake is made.

A conversation held with my Overlord a few months ago held quite a few promising hints at the future. For example, if I am completely loyal and all that, once I retire he claims he will give me rule over northern Japan. He also promised me all the weapons I can carry.

Again, tip for you Overlords reading this: Don't lie to the minions, okay? It never works out. Go watch... heck, any movie with a villain. It happens.

As a minion, you should always be armed. Never - EVER - let your guard down. If you really want to go all-out, do the old "Wild, Wild West" TV show thing and carry a gun up your sleeve, explosives in your detachable heel, and knives in your hidden pockets. It pays off, trust me.

But the most valuable tool you can have, as a red-shirt (homework for today: Give me the definition of a red-shirt) is the ability to scare. Never shoot if you can merely threaten. Oft times it's enough to be holding a really big gun. It doesn't have to be loaded.

Well yes, it does. Because sometimes scaring isn't enough. You get my point, yes?


Glad to hear it.


Also, in other news: Moira Darke's School for Minions is getting an official-ish logo! It should be displayed as the masthead relatively soon.

~Headmistress Darke

And Now a Word From Our Sponser

Interestingly enough, my Overlord has just discovered this blog and has graciously volunteered to give his own views on minionship. I might consider protesting, except he provides my paycheck. So without further ado, a guest blog post from Overlord Kain Eralf.

 

"I agree with Miss Darke, the quality of minions is going down, in overall performance, and just the common sense that one has, well should have, when in such an occupation.

As an Overlord, it is our duty to properly train our minions, and train them well; however, many of us are ignoring this responsibility, which is why, so far, we have all failed. Of course, the minions are rarely to blame for the actual fall of their lord. A lot of them have made mistakes, and much too many are actually switching sides. Ugh, Overlords going good, it's horrible.
Minions should make sure that their overlord is truly evil first, and then do everything they can to help ensure their lord’s success.

One common instance I have found leading to one’s demise can be easily fixed. A minion should take these steps. When their master’s arch nemesis is in the cell block, stay awake, make sure that there are no objects with which the prisoner can hook the keys off the wall (not like they should be hanging on the wall anyways. They should be a ways away, in the master lockbox, in possession of a diligent and wise minion, or similar.), and do not listen to or believe their pitiful sob story of a troubled life with no parents, etc. and any other heartstrings way of getting away.

Note to Minions: If you haven’t already figured this out, when said arch nemesis is released from his cell for any reason, he will, understandably, go to silence to the guard.

Other general tips include; if there are not regular training exercises, try to find a way to start one.

 

On patrols, if you hear a strange noise, inform the head of your department as to what you heard and where you heard it. Try to find the safest way to investigate. Same goes for if your patrol partner suddenly goes missing. Though, if he does go missing, hit the alarm immediately. If YOU’RE the one that gets picked up by one of the hero’s gang, screaming is probably the best you can do other than taking a shot at them. Screaming will tell your partner to hit the alarm. Constantly practice your aim and overall skill with ranged and close-range weapons too. A well-practiced mind and trigger finger are key to being promoted.
 

Simply, read Peter’s Overlord list, it is a huge help to Overlord and Minion alike.

Minions, be as productive as possible, only object to small matters when your lord is in a good mood unless you are his trusted lieutenant. Help him in what ways you can, make smart decisions, and ALWAYS be diligent.

Guest Speaker,
Kain A. Eralf,
Overlord